Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
