i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
