Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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