I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
