Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
