I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
