Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
