Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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