capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize