Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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