But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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