Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
