Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
