What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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