Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
