I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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