somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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