I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
