I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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