just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
