And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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