watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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