can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
