fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
