I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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