Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize