and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
