i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize