Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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