omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I didn't notice because vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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