I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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