I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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