He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i permit you to call me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my poor anus
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize