she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need a beard to bite.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
