I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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