I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
