I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize