mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
