Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize