the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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