youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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