He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
