I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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