you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We need a shit load of segways right now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
