I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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