Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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