PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
