I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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