If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
