hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize