Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
