dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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