If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So. Much. Porn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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