It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
