The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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