Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
