So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
