As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
