last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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