Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
