After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
