I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm bleeding and have questions
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
