she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
