walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize