Dude my mom stole all your condoms
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize