Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
