He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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