we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
