I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
