This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
