i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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