My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
