he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
