hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is Oprah even human
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
