Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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