eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
