i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if only i could text you this smell
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You may now shotgun with the bride
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
