Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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