I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
