HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
