Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
