I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
