Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize