Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
