Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
