take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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