We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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