I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize