He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
