Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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