I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
