I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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