Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
