hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
