dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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