When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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