So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
