Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
