I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize