just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
