the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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