im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
